Find Each Other's Eyes

The experiential component of EFT is both unique and impactful. For many of us EFTers, it’s our favorite part. It’s the thing that (literally) changes the brain, changes relationships, and changes us as therapists. 

For the client, this “experiential component of EFT” means instead of having homework exercises or a list of “do’s” and “don’ts” to follow, you actually have new experiences with your partner in session. 

For those who have completed an intensive, I’m talking about those moments when you landed on something new and important, and your therapist asked, “Now, can you turn and tell your partner?” Do you remember the feelings that came alive when you looked in your partner’s eyes as you shared? For the listening partner – do you remember that moving feeling when your partner shifted their body to face you on the couch, locked eyes with you, and you took in something new? At times you named the feeling as sadness, other times it was fear. Sometimes it was a secure and warm feeling of connection and acceptance. Those exchanges gave us so much valuable information as we worked together to get you unstuck.

For those who haven’t done an intensive, keep reading!

Can you tap into what it feels like to look in your partner’s eyes in a moment of shared joy? Or what about that feeling when your world is falling apart, but you hold it in until you can get to your person, then the tears flow as soon as you lock eyes? 

There’s magic there! Making eye contact with the person you love is moving. These kinds of positive experiences build upon each other and create more safety and security. Partners feel more seen and understood and no longer feel the need for constant protection. 

But when life gets too full and too fast, the opportunities to see each other (both literally and figuratively) begin to dwindle. When we are hurt and scared, we put up walls that keep us from seeing each other too. 

So, here’s your free advice.

Remember a time when you felt truly seen or heard by your partner. When you felt connected as a team. Or when you felt totally accepted for all of who you are. Give yourself a few minutes to access what that was like for you. Go slow and take your time.

Now find your partner’s eyes and tell them. 

Quick disclaimer: 

We help you move toward one another in vulnerability instead of against one another in reactivity. With that comes an important disclaimer. While we are moving toward expressing more vulnerability in and out of sessions, we also know that’s a big ask. You have valid reasons for needing protection, and we don’t argue with those or take them away from you. We take things slowly. We work with bite-size pieces. We support you every step of the way. 

This post was written by our excellent EFT intensive therapist, Anna Lockhart, LPC-MHSP. If you want to learn more about working with Anna, click the button below for a free consult and make sure to indicate you would like to work with Anna.